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+---- Thread: The diary of Searor. please look!!!!! (/Thread-The-diary-of-Searor-please-look)
The diary of Searor. please look!!!!! - Shadowcore - 03-16-2007
I have come up with this diary so we can put it in Dumac please read and tell what you think about it!!!! :yes: :yes:
(P.S sorry for any spelling mistakes english is not my first language) :yes: :yes:
- Razorwing - 03-16-2007
I like it
One mistake that writers sometimes do is that they forget that diaries have to be written in post tense; entries always have to be made after the fact, and the writer has to be in a location secure enough that he can pull out his diary. I think you did that mistake in Entry #5. The rest is good I think, but I think it could be even better if you pictured the scene in which entry was made. For instance with entry #5, one possibility could be: "We've managed to barricade ourselves behind a door, but the noises emanating from the machine reminds us every five minutes or so that it is closing in on us." Or with Entry #2, you could say: "Our band of adventurers have set up camp in a large room deep in the ruins." Not saying you should copy-paste that, I'm by no means a great writer
I just intended them as quick examples of how you could make the diary come alive a bit more for the reader, how you can help him visualize what the diary's writer went through.
- Shadowcore - 03-16-2007
thanks i will put that in mind!!!
- ev1 - 03-16-2007
I'd say loosen the !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Also I don't know how those journals are written (appear to be written) in-game. If it's typed up, then that bloodstain effect is a no-no. If however they are images then there's a whole lot of stuff you can do. For example instead of adding "I'm writing hastily" make the letters uglier. Instead of saying "I'm too weak to even write right now" make the letters uglier but in another way (I mean you can depict the mood of the writer). I guess that would be cool.
- bob196045 - 03-16-2007
Nor am I a writer
Very Good !! I like it
I do have 2 suggestions, one plays into the other
Your writer Searor Doron is Altmer
Altmer tend to use their Sir name and the ancestiral home as the name they go by, in this case a possibility would be Doron of Sunhold
also the Altmer feel and make a point of letting you know they are better than you, more educated, more sophisticatic, more intellectual
So their writings would most likely display that "snobbish" appearence
Entry 1
I start this diary to write down my progess in to the Dwemer ruins of
Dumac. Today I and 9 other men have finally found the entrance to Dumac, We will search the ruins and find everything thats of worth for us and take
it with us!
Might read:
Entry 1
This diary(journal) is being written to document the study of the Dwemer Ruin known as Dumac. My party consists of 9 other men of various trade. We will study the ruin, document our findings, and recover, for our own purpose, any treasures from within. Today we have finally found the enterence and are about to venture in.
Enjoy
Bob
- InsanitySorrow - 03-20-2007
I like it :goodjob:
Nothing else to say
- InsanitySorrow - 03-29-2007
Great idea but the thread seems to be dead so i will cart this off to the archives.